Monthly Archives: April 2012

Things Are Bad When Even The Undead Are Wearing Zombie Tees

Every night out here in the wastes of human civilization is a bad one, without a doubt. Tonight has been one of the worst, though. I lost my best friend Jim when about fifteen of the walking dead came across the house we were holed up in for the night. Jim woke me up right when they all sensed us somehow, and started clawing at the doors and breaking windows. We had to fight. At the end of it I was lucky, and Jim wasn’t. He lay on the ground with red viscera pumping out of him and three crushed undead dudes in zombie t-shirts around him.

When I noticed that Jim was really hurt, and most definitely infected, time seemed to slur into a drunken crawl. My buddy was dead and here were three of these unliving monsters were wearing zombie shirts. It struck me at how odd it all was that right before the end of all things, people were going media-nuts for the very thing that would end them.

I could just imagine these three dudes in zombie tees were all hanging out at their apartment, watching a marathon of zombie flicks, and eating chips when the first outbreaks started happening. Were they excited that they would see an actual, moving corpse…or where they just as scared as I was?

It was then that Jim made a noise and moved. I was afraid he had turned over to one of them, but he started talking as I was raising my old wood axe over my head to end it. I stopped in my tracks when I heard him chuckling. Blood was in his mouth, so he sounded weird when he said, “Can you even freaking fathom these idiots wearing zombie tee shirts while they were getting chewed on by zombies?” Despite the severity of the situation, he made me laugh.

We had always promised not to let each other turn over into one of those dumb flesh-eaters if we could help it, and I fulfilled my promise to him as best I could. It was awful to see him go like that, but I guess we’re all destined to die horribly these days. I’m alone now, and being alone just means that you’re even closer to that destiny than before. I just hope that when they do come for me, they won’t be wearing zombie tees.

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